Education and Sibling Contrast

My grandfather, his parents both died when he was in junior high or high school, and he, the oldest, dropped out to support his siblings. His youngest brother went to college.

Birth defects, uterine environment, labor and delivery experience.

I’ve wondered how much of the small negative happiness effect of children comes from the contribution of unusual, but tragically bad, outcomes.

My oldest son is quiet and studious, and rules-oriented. He seems to really enjoy structure. I think he will do well in college.

My daughter (the youngest of three) is creative and talented artistically, comfortable in almost any environment. I suspect that while she will not be pursuing a career in academia, she would perform well in school, and translate that into a good career.

My younger son, however, is athletic and full of energy. He loves to climb and take physical risks. He hates sitting down and studying. He dreads deadlines, and worries himself sick about them. I see him being miserable in college. I’m ok with this, of course – he will make a great firefighter, or policeman, or competitive rock-climber or adventure tour guide or something like that. It’s a pity, really, because I see a lot of prototypical computer-science skills in his make-up but I just don’t see him enjoying the requirement to sit down and code all day.

The sister got pregnant while the brother did not get anyone pregnant. That seems symbolic for underlying differences in self-discipline and temperament between the two, but it really may have been bad luck.

I went to college and my younger brother didn’t. We both work in software development. He’s a programmer while I’m a tech writer, and he makes more money than I do.

There is very little IQ difference between me and my brother and both of us are intelligent. In real life, he’s probably more studious than I am. He just didn’t have the patience or temperament for formalized education and he honestly didn’t need a school certificate to be successful. So, college would have been a waste of time and resources for him.

That’s a pretty atypical story, I bet.

My brother and I both have PhD’s. My sister (who is the oldest) became a beautician after high school. (She took a few college courses later in life, but never earned a degree).

I actually don’t think my brother and I have IQ’s that are that much greater than my sister’s. She can keep up with us in a conversation about our disciplines if we’re not using the technical terminology of our fields.

I think part of the reason she never went on to college is that the classroom environment didn’t suit her. She has a much more independent, non-conforming personality than my brother and (especially) myself. She tended to chafe at authority more than we did.

Finances may have played a role as well. When she graduated high school my parents were financially comfortable, but not particularly well off. Not long afterward, my dad’s career really took off, and by the time I was college age my parents were pretty wealthy. Of course, they could have put her through college at that point, but I don’t think that really crossed her mind.

My sister had some college but didn’t graduate. She makes about the same money in marketing as I do in software engineering. I almost wish I didn’t waste those 5 years and did something productive and earned money instead of getting a degree. But I don’t know if I would have had the discipline.

We were essentially required to attend college, but my brother dropped out after the first year. We also went to the same school in the same time-frame (he’s only 3 years my junior and I spent a lot of time in college).

The major difference seemed to be whether college offered anything over working outside college. In my case, the immediate returns were substantial and there were few negatives. My brother, by contrast, disliked class immensely and really gained no immediate benefits versus working.

In a family in which everyone went to college, my middle brother did not. These days he’d be diagnosed as dyslexic but not in the early 1960s.

The result of his dyslexia was a dislike of school and thus worse performance at school — positive feedback in a negative direction.

He went into sales and did ok.

Heather, I don’t think your theory is necessarily true. I do know deadbeats who didn’t go to college; I also know unemployable deadbeats who did.

The main issue for employers is work ethic. That can be demonstrated by academic performance, but I don’t think that’s the only thing.

The main driver for a college degree is because the education level of high school graduates is so dismal. There’s no effort (or even minimal literacy) required to graduate, therefore the degree is meaningless. That’s why BA’s became desirable. As more people have at least some college, now master’s degrees are becoming more desirable.

But there’s also a small backlash against the necessity of going to college. A college grad will come out with about $100,000 in student loans and absolutely no guarantee of job-worthy skills. A similarly intelligent high school grad with a good work ethic will have no student loans and 4 years or more of direct work experience. In a lot of fields, the work experience may be more desirable than the education, particularly if it’s a degree in worthless fields like history, music, art, or English. Those degrees simply aren’t marketable, which means that having the degree isn’t that much of a benefit. I have friends with masters degrees in history who can’t scrape together a job, and my brother with no degree and fantastic programming skills is, ahem, quite successful.

I come from a rather large family and alot of my family members have some what of a college education but my aunt is the only one to finish and I plan on being the second. But I believe that college dont define how successful you will be I mean yea it helps alotbut it does not define you. Both my parents and brother are both very successful and make a good living for their families so college isnt everything.

I am the 5th of 6 children. 5 of us are boys. The second oldest child, my sister, dropped out after a few years. My youngest brother dropped out, went to the army, ditzed around, and finally got a degree in his 30s. The rest of us went “conventially.”

The two “outliers” were the family outliers in general. My sister was largely ignored in a home full of boys (she was the only one with her own room, the rest of us shared one among the 5). My little brother got the hell beat out of him for much of his young life, the rest of us, not as bad.

As for the other 4 of us, we were clearly the guys who “just did what we were supposed to do” without giving it much thought. I am not entirely sure my little bro and older sis made bad choices in retrospect.

In the examples I can think of, sex seems to be a big difference. In my parents and grandpartents generation, females did not go to college while some males did.

In my generation, more of my female cousins went to school than male cousins.

This seems to have to do with expectations in my family. In previous generations, females were expected to stay home. In my generation, it is more dependent upon a person’s desired profession and whether or not that needs a degree.

Although the evidence on this point is still disputed, one predictor of success in any number of areas (including college attendance) is birth order. First-born children consistently achieve at a higher level than their siblings. It is still unclear whether the reasons for this are somehow genetic and tied directly to IQ, or whether it has somthing to do with a first-born chlid’s access to greater parental attention or resources. Harvard professor Michael Sandel does an interesting experiment with his first year “Justice” class where he asks his students to raise thier hands if they are the first born in their family. To hear him tell it, every year the percentage of hands raised ranges from 75% to 80%.

@Beyonder

I’m more impressed that the definition of success can be reduced to attendance of Prof. Sandel’s Justice 101. 🙂

Assuming average or above average IQ I would say life experiences (pregnancy, caring for older family members, putting spouses through college) and not needing college to get ahead are the two most probable reasons for not finishing college. Laziness is probably a factor that I simply don’t see as much because I live on the wrong side of town. It may be a major factor in some circles though I have my doubts.

A middle child among sibling overachievers rebelled (such as it was) in high school, and nearly didn’t make it into college. Got over it and ended up with a BA and later a professional degree.